this is an extended and a disclaimer-ish. some opinions thrown in. This is long and it’s a good thing that it is! im not gonna be vague here. i dont like being misunderstood or i dont like people assuming things about me or forcing their perception of me onto me so this is me telling u that u r wrong abt me. its not my fault nor problem if you dont read it or only skim over it, bc i’ll continue living how i please. i dont care if someone i dont know or dont talk to doesnt like me thats not my problem and thats out of my control so im not gonna waste my energy trying to “sway” or “convince” anyone. if u dont like me go somewhere else. your personal discomfort is not my responsibility or problem especially on the internet of all places. I’m not saying that anyone is actively doing anything bad, these are based off of personal experiences and also witnessing behaviors from others (and even my own behavior!) so. i know i cant stop people from talking about me, thinking something i do or say is stupid or annoying, etc. but i still like to have disclaimers to those truly curious or are just reading it. Nothing is directed to anyone specific its based off of experiences and observation. if the shoe doesn’t fit then don’t fuckin wear it. Also you’re not lesser for having a different view than I do, that just means u have a different perspective than I do. Pls dont come into my atabook tryna argue with me on these or my boundaries i’ll delete it cus girl who r u .. u can find my boundaries here. And please remember that Nobody has it “all figured out”. Life is a learning experience.
♪ Gonna kick this off with the most important part, but I am extremely mentally unwell and disabled. extended info, pls read. “omg but you’re so coherent and well thought and self aware!” i also never leave the house, struggle with psychosis on a daily (with varying levels but psychosis IS the baseline), and various other things that aren’t your business really. But i’m disabled on many fronts and had to do so much shit to get where I’m at, and i’m still struggling. I’m very prone to psychotic breaks or episodes from stress. I am Schizotypal (and I don’t use the STPD version, because its not a personality disorder for me. It’s only classified as one in the US. I don’t live in the US. I have done enough research to decide this for myself. unless youre my healthcare professional i dont give a damn if u think im “not allowed to do that” cus i didnt say YOU had to) and struggle with ASPD, Bipolar disorder, and other things that only add on. I’m also physically disabled. You can make fun of me for “revealing” that I Guess but i’m saying it so that you can understand at least a little bit about me and why i think, act, and feel the way I do. dont apply your rules to me i wont follow em lol. Also just because i’m mentally/developmentally disabled doesnt mean im stupid, cant think for myself or have sound opinions and make sound decisions, i just need help doing so.
♪ I am a hikikomori and i’m mentally unwell. When I call myself a hikikomori, i’m not describing a part of my identity but using that word to describe my agoraphobia. I never understood it having an aesthetic but i dont care if people do use it that way, but don’t assume that I do and use it as a reason to make fun of me. It’s also why i curate my online experience so heavily now. I use it to have fun, learn things, and look at stuff. I don’t wanna be miserable while already struggling.
♪ I don’t like constantly miserable or negative people. I like to enjoy life and find fun and joy in life, especially after many years of misery and being hurt and hurting others bc i was hurt. If you think youre better than me for feeling that way, good for you, im sure theres a reason but quite frankly my dear, i don’t give a damn. If you constantly view things negatively, think of everyone as “sheeple” (context matters obvi but most people that talk like that are doing so from an arrogant or egotistical perspective and not out of any genuine concern) and think that you and the people youre friends with or agree with you are the “enlightened ones” then 1. youre very susceptible to fascist propaganda, sorry to tell u (nobody is immune to propaganda, not even me!) and 2. you’re fucking annoying to be around. If you have weird views about being special or feeling like youre the only original and unique one or theres few original/unique people (and again, most of u just mean ur friends or people you kiss ass to)(i used to be this way so ik and understand), you really aren’t. nobody is all the way unique or truly original, we’re all made up of what we’ve experienced and who we’ve experienced. We just make our own personal versions of those things. life is inspo. You also dont get to dictate what is or isnt original, in an absolute sense. Your (and my) opinions are never absolute.
♪ I struggle with growing up and I may exhibit childish mannerisms, and like very “childish” things. I’m permanently in a regressed state (Again, varying levels, but being regressed in general is a baseline.) and have trouble processing things how adults will. My body has grown but my brain hasn’t and probably won’t. Things might seem bigger or scarier to me, but that is because i’m developmentally disabled due to being born that way, but also because of trauma as well. if youre not a patient person or ure not easily forgiving, just stay away from me, lol. and i dont mean this in a “i just cant help it so it absolves me of accountability” i mean it in a “i suck ass at processing conflict and the emotions of others, and im not aware im making someone upset unless they tell me right away” way. I require patience, care and kindness for conflict to be resolved, even if I am the one in the wrong. if you are aggressive or rude it will have the opposite affect and i might comply (and lie) out of fear just to calm you down, or block it out completely. This is not said for sympathy but said so that conflict can be easy to resolve between the both of us. Please do not text me when you are angry. Dont try to resolve conflict with aggression. i also might get angry and retaliate (which is quite literally just screaming back at you or returning the energy.) so if u know you cant regulate your emotions and are aggressive in conflict, do us both a favor and dont talk to me. Don’t mistake that as me being weak or unable to take accountability cus i 100% can and will. But taking accountability does not mean I have to accept or be subjected to rude and aggressive behavior! :) That’s not how conflict is resolved. Most of you seem to think and feel that way tho so i will just be more careful about who i speak to online. You don’t deserve that treatment either, just so we’re clear.
♪ I’m heavily opinionated and like to express my opinions whenever appropriate or asked of me. And I am allowed to and 100% will talk about my opinions on my blog and webpage. Don’t like? Click the x button! Block me! That simple. Or we can even have a (mature, respectful) chat abt it! Maybe we will both learn new things and see a new perspective. It’s fine if you disagree with me but don’t accuse me of thinking I’m better than anyone for my opinions or don’t assume i don’t know the nuances of what I’m talking about. just because others may talk about things they don’t know about with arrogance and a need to be correct doesn’t mean that I do. It’s also just not a fair assumption to make. i don’t care about being “better” than anyone, i don’t need to. Also don’t accuse me of things in general if you don’t even know me. Like
♪ I’m easily paranoid and I don’t trust others really good. Don’t assume that this is absolute, because it isn’t. It applies to certain things, which you can always just ask about. But I am usually paranoid of others’ intentions, especially behind their words. My paranoia manifests in anger and avoidance. If you’re mean spirited, or just a mean and rude person in general I probably won’t “like” you and might avoid you or feel anger towards you. It’s because of trauma and I don’t like being around people that are mean and like to intimidate others. I might dislike you more if you know you are mean and make others that way and are proud of it or make it seem like others are weak for being upset by your behavior. (u cant hide behind saying it’s being blunt or calling it criticism forever, its easy to see through.) Just don’t speak to me if you’re like this.
♪ I’m not in any “communities”, especially paste-bin sites or online fandoms. Often times, terrible things happen in these communities and everyone treats each other like shit and then do the most impressive mental gymnastics to justify doing it… yea i dont fw that. just because i’m using a pastebin site doesnt mean i am going to bend to imaginary rules made by people using the site. the emotions of random strangers are not my responsibility and i wont conform or bend backwards for people i dont even know or talk to. thats not a healthy thing to do. so i dont care if something i post makes you upset, its your own responsibility to deal with that. (u can do that by closing the tab, by the way. if me existing is the problem, u have bigger fish to fry and it is still your own problem, not mine.)
♪ I can be anything and everything i want to be, at any given moment. If you have a high individuality complex or think that someone being similar to you makes you less special or unique i want you to stay FARRRRRRRR away from me. i feel some sort of sympathy but my annoyance overrides that sadly. I hate adults that do this especially. ESPECIALLY ONLINE!!! CLOSE THE MFKN TAB FUCK SAKES! So yeah. This goes for aesthetics, interests, characters, etc. im sorry but im not gonna stop liking something or discontinue engaging in something interest just because YOU like that thing and feel threatened by someone else liking it too. It’s unfair to treat people like that. Nobody is “Copying” you. And there is no shame in taking inspiration in something and making it your own. (most of u feel ashamed for it or make others feel like they’re “not as special and creative as you” bc of ur own insecurities) And I think you’re annoying if you shame others (claiming that people dont have an identity of their own for sharing interest in something or trying out an aesthetic or theme get over urself…) or act superior for “coming up with something”. (which, news flash, you didnt, when it comes to web design. and i mean like aesthetics, a design idea, etc. some of these things u guys get mad over have BEEN happened) youre entitled to your opinion abt this, and its more than fine to disagree but stay away from me if u act like this and treat others this way lol ure gross.
♪ I recognize that sometimes I can be aggressive or “rude” with my wording but it’s not my intention to be, but it’s still something I’m actively working on bc i know i can upset people w how i say things. It’s not what you say, it’s HOW you say it. Nobody is going to listen to you or see your point of view if you treat them like their point of view is stupid or are looking down on them. Most people don’t like being looked down on or spoken down to and idk why people act so shocked when people react negatively to their “bluntness”.
♪ I’m living in my own reality, and I don’t identify with my body at all and use fantasy to express my being. I use different aesthetics to do that, too. Don’t try to force your reality on me, i will reject it and may become hostile. don’t project onto me. don’t assume things about me (or do, i just dont wanna hear it, i cant control what u do and i wont bother!), dont project your assumptions onto me, dont try to force me to do things. I am not obligated to do anything just so your feelings arent hurt or so that your sense of identity isn’t threatened. sorry but thats not my problem, im just a 21 year old girl on the fuckin web! close the tab if u dont like me and how i roll. go look at things u like. the reason i have this attitude is because i’m tired of people on the internet thinking theyre entitled to some sort of special treatment or thinking that people have to bend to their will. i hate people that think that their word or opinions are absolute. they aren’t. nobody’s is (and if you think that way, you are a fool. but i have some compassion so im also considering what couldve happened to cause that. not everyone that does it realizes theyre doing it but its still irritating nonetheless and i still dislike you nonetheless.)
♪ I do what I want on my webpages. If you don’t like something I did, said, etc. don’t tell me cus i’ll probably ignore you and keep doing my thing. Close the damn tab. ignore me. Actually I just do what i want in general, I do what makes me happy, i like to have fun. I don’t like or follow cancel culture. It’s so stupid especially on the internet lmao i know half the people cancelled just deleted their shit, made new accounts and moved on. I would too cus its the internet …
♪ I use my blog and webpage to share bits of my personal life. That’s what blogs are for. I can talk about whatever the fuck i want on my blogs and if that makes you upset… you already know the answer to that. If you think i’m annoying, stupid, or a bad person(?) for talking about things I’ve experienced (including my own actions, a lot of u seem to not grasp that your own actions are also an experience. youre experiencing yourself in a really weird way.) then idk u jus gon have to deal w that on your own. especially if u dont even know me or we dont talk. like gurl….
♪ If we’ve had a falling out or have had conflict that caused a drop in us talking, know that I don’t hold any grudges or “hate” you and if you’re kind when speaking to me then we most likely will sort our differences and apologies will be issued if i need to. (i already said what would happen if youre aggressive so i wont repeat myself.) But also know that once we stop speaking, i wont really do anything for you, especially on the internet. what i do is none of your business just like how what none of what you do is my business. I dont really care if u talk abt me (i’d rather not know or think abt it honestly) but just dont make anything my problem. Dont accuse me of “copying” you, or anything similar to that just bc i got into something after we stopped being friends. I’m my own person away from you, and if we aren’t even talking i cant imagine where you would get that idea from. (i can, thats hyperbolic) And even if I did, so what? There’s no shame in it really. But dont accuse me of copying you or doing something just because you “did it first”. I dont rly care whether i did or not. This applies to interests, music, aesthetic, names, etc. Most likely scenario is that i forgot you even liked it OR IM NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT YOU when i engage. for names i’ll most likely forgot where i got it from.
♪ Don’t assume who I am and how i act based off of solely webpages and aesthetics alone. And disorders too. I hate when people try to put or keep me in a box made by their perception of me. Your perception of me is not truth whatsoever and never will be, you’re entitled to that perception, but dont force it on me, i might respond defiantly. As above, so below forever until i draw my last fucking breath, Ok? I can be anything and everything that I want to be in my reality. People close to me will understand and if u dont thats fine, you weren’t invited anyway. c:
I think that’s it, i dont think i’ll add on even if there is more cus i think you get the gist of what behavior or treatment i dont accept, lol. if you behave in these ways, you dont have to stop doing so just bc i said i dont like being around people that do these things. WHAT I AM SAYING, IS TO STAY AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!! If you can’t treat me with respect, kindness, and compassion, then i dont want to be around you. if your ability to treat me kindly depends on your emotions and opinions of me, i don’t want to be around you, period, point blank. if you think this is me making some sort of “statement” instead of me trying to help people understand me better, then not only are you wrong but stay like 100 more feet away from me. I dont wanna be around you either and I never cared about persuading or impressing you or “changing” you… but you’re still entitled to your feelings on it. just dont make it my problem. capisce? read this if u havent already. thanks!
txto