⌑៸៸ Violence’s Diary !x!
This is just my personal vent braindump idk what to call it. I don’t have anyone or anywhere else to say this to and can’t rely on my notes app cuz my phone gets checked :‘) yay so fun!!! Anyways, basic context: I’m 15 , He/They , Transboy ftm , Pansexual , and currently have a boyfriend , I have quite a lot of mental disorders n issues which I’ll get into later if u wana know more my site is linked below yeah yeah,,
5/27/2026 - May I got into my first quote “fight” unquote w my bf tonight. It idk I don’t know how to feel abt it tbh. I’m not mad at it or him. I just wish it didn’t make me feel like this. It was about well it all started because he mentioned we might not be able to hangout at his place this Friday because the backrooms movie comes out around the same time and he made plans to go w his friends and it was mainly with that he was going with jai and she is very Christian n shit n her family will be there too and I’m like,, I can come too like??? It’s not even like I’ma be talking to them or being freaky sexual in public like I’m not an animal I KNOW how to act chill. And he keeps dismissing it and being like “Oh well she knows ‘how’ you are and she prolly won’t want you to come for that reason.” like hello??!?!? she don’t fuckin know me like stfu. Fuck her bro idc I want to go to movies to see a cool with movie with MY BOYFRIEND who gaf???? I won’t even interact w her so why does it matter if I’m there too her. I just want to go 1. to see cool ass movie and 2. to be with the loml like??? Please shut up 😭 and then from that he got all pissy because I called her a bitch and said fuck her,,, cuz he views her as a sister n whatnot like okay u fw her i get it but now I’m starting not to because of what HE’S saying like 💀 god bro hop off my shit. You want me to be cool w her but then you say things like this, like this why I get mad at him because he just cares so fucking much and much more about others over me. And I’m not tryna be controlling really, I don’t care who he’s friends w and has sibling bonds w thats not my issue here. My issue is it just seems like when it’s just me he values me yeah, but when it’s me against anyone else of his friends or anyone else he knows he always always picks/sides with THEM and never me. And I’m not saying it’s wrong but like:/ Cmon bro we’ve been dating for a little over 2months atleast want me more than what you’re showing rn cause it seems like you don’t. And I want him so much I need him so much and I show that 24⁄7 without him even asking and maybe thats cause I’m too willing or giving everything up for him, but that js goes to show How committed I am to him, and to this relationship. And he can’t give me half of that? I feel crazy. I literally drop my friends and my classwork instantly as soon as I know he’s free to hang out w him because I LOVE him. And he says he does too and I know I know he does yeah but sometimes I have doubts he doesn’t. And I wish whenever I had those thoughts he would just appear and hug me and kiss me and say it’s okay and tell me “I love you without doubt” but that obviously doesn’t happen. (and because hes not magical lol he can’t appear out of thin air lmao) but ykwim whoever or nobody thats reading this. Its all so much idkkkkk,,
txto