A covert narcissist is a person who craves admiration and feels deeply important, but hides these traits behind a quiet, shy, or vulnerable outward appearance.
Unlike loud, flashy overt narcissists, covert narcissists (sometimes called vulnerable narcissists) use subtle, hidden tactics to control and manipulate the people around them.
Key Signs and Behaviors
Playing the victim: They constantly portray themselves as treated unfairly or hurt by life, making you feel sorry for them and responsible for their pain.
Passive-aggressiveness: Instead of getting angry out loud, they use the silent treatment, cold stares, or sarcastic comments disguised as jokes.
Hypersensitivity: They cannot handle even mild criticism or feedback, often reacting with deep hurt, silent withdrawal, or turning it into an attack on your character.
Lack of empathy: While they may seem gentle or caring at first, they quickly dismiss your feelings as inconvenient while making their own emotions the center of attention.
Quiet resentment: They feel deeply entitled to special treatment and secretly resent others for being more successful or happy than they feel they are.
An overt narcissist, also known as a grandiose narcissist, is someone who openly displays a puffed-up sense of superiority and a loud demand for constant praise.
Key Signs and Behaviors
Grandiosity: They believe they are better, smarter, or more important than everyone else.
Constant Need for Attention: They crave “narcissistic supply,” which means they constantly fish for compliments and applause.
Lack of Empathy: They do not care about the feelings or needs of other people.
Fragile Ego: Despite their loud confidence, they get very angry or defensive if anyone criticizes them.
Talk Over Others: They love to dominate conversations and steer every topic back to themselves.
Show Off: They brag about their wealth, looks, or achievements to win over crowds.
Use People: They take advantage of friends or coworkers to get what they want without giving anything back.
How to Deal With Them
Set Clear Boundaries: Tell them what you will and will not accept, and stick to your limits.
Do Not Argue: They hate losing arguments and will twist the truth. Walk away instead of fighting.
Build a Support System: Spend time with people who treat you with kindness and respect your feelings.
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