probably will delete this and you dont have to respond if you see it(especially because you said to never come back)(but i would appreciate something you can rq but my posts are terrible and read the rest of this pls) but i miss you in the worst way possible ive been having breakdowns at night and fantasizing about you abusing me in various ways and i know talking to you will make me feel like shit and if you ever take more that 1 minute to respond ill have a breakdown i just dont think its good idea and its funny because i do crave it, you made me feel Terrible all the time but now im here craving it. so i’m sorry. probably related to how my mental health currently is the worst its been in my entire life. i knew i would never be able to escape from you fully but i didnt think id ever care this much again. i dont even want you romantically its far more fucked up than that. i genuinely dont know what to do because if i unblock you or we follow our accounts and i block you again you will hate me even more and i probably wont have another chance. who even knows you might hate me right now because i did that and its fine. i dont even know how much you care for me, i know you hated being reality checked and extra hated being blocked “permanently” but its not even like i hate you so much its because if i keep talking to you i will probably keep feeling terrible. unfortunate it turned out this way, i am sorry. this is all incredibly selfish anyway. maybe be mean to me so i can remember how terrible that feeling really is and i wont go seeking it out. i am constantly going back and forth on all of this so sorry
txto